Grief and Loss
What is grief
Grief is something which every one of us has to face in life. It is the human emotional response to loss.
It is more than an emotion and can affect our bodies, the way we think and the way we view the world.
The most common cause of grief is death, however we all experience some form of loss in our lives
such as:
- ending of a relationship or friendship
- losing something valuable such as jobs, health, pets, valuables, anything we have had an attachment with
- loss of home, community or homeland through migration
- giving up something that mattered a lot
- losing a dream
Engage and empower focuses on the grief that occurs due to your losses that has shaped you to who you are and has had any influence on your life.
People experience a whole range of thoughts and feelings. These can be all mixed up together and even quite opposite to one another. We all respond differently to the way we grieve and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. It can be challenging and difficult to re-establish some sort of order in our life when we are grieving. Some of these feelings can be:
- shock and denial
- pain and guilt
- anger and bargaining
- acceptance and hope
- loneliness
- depression
- reconciliation
There can be storm of emotions that comes and goes over time when we are confronted with reminders of what we have lost and these can vary between individuals. It can be difficult for a bereaved person to see and listen to people who do not understand the real pain that a grieving person feels.
Sometimes we feel that we are unable to escape from the whirlwind of feelings and experiences we are caught in, and unable to engage in normal activities. We can sometimes constantly go over the circumstances of our loved one’s death, and the sense that it is impossible to find a life without them. This is not unusual and requires assistance either from professional helpers or caring family and friends.
One of the most common physical responses to grief is crying. We find it difficult to watch people cry, and the most common human urge is to comfort a person in tears, and sometimes even to join in their tears. It is important to allow a person to cry, and to acknowledge the reason that they are crying.
The death of someone close changes our life, things will never be the same afterwards. This is one of the greatest challenges for bereaved people. The future may seem very dark and frightening, and people may wonder how they will survive the pain and confusion they are feeling. We learn from our experiences in life. Often those lessons are very difficult, but each challenge helps us to find ways of making sense of ourselves and to identify our strengths.
Each person brings their own strengths and weaknesses to the task of dealing with grief; some people have great inner strength, while others are overwhelmed by the experience. Loss of self-esteem and confidence may be part of a person’s response.
Apart from the loss of someone we have loved and the loss of a planned future, there may be other losses such as loss of income, even loss of the family home. We need to make a number of adjustments to our routines and how we live in the world, and this takes time and support.
A major factor in making our way through grief is having human support around us. Often this comes immediately in the form of families and close friends, but we can also find support through meeting with other people, who have had similar experiences, through reading books, which help us to understand more about a particular cause of death, or to be inspired in our struggle to find meaning.
When people grieve they are coming to terms with what has changed in their lives. At the same time, they are beginning to find new ways of going about their lives to cope with the gaps that the loss has created. This takes varying periods of time. The length of time is affected by things such as the closeness of the person who has died and what other things have happened to the person. It is not unusual for grief to be felt over an extended period of time, even up to several years.
It is okay to grieve, however if over time, these feelings of pain and confusion do not improve, this may signal the need for professional help. Crying uncontrollably, suffering sleep or eating disturbances, feelings of suicide, and turning to alcohol and drugs, are serious warning signs and should not be ignored. If this happens, it is important to seek the help!